#NaturalNineteen

So, it’s been a minute since I’ve been here and I know it’s not an official website (because who even uses blogspot/blogger anymore) but...so what. I’m on my own wave lol.

Anyway...it’s 2019 and...a lot of stuff has changed! We live in the DMV now and we’ve lost some weight and...we chopped of a good chunk of our hair. Which is the focus of this post.

I first started going gray at 10. I had a patch in the back of my head. It disappeared and then on my 20s, it moved towards the front. I don’t know what I started going gray early but I think it’s a combination of genetics and vitiligo. My aunt started going gray early and now has a full head of salt and pepper hair, which is glorious. My mother, her older sister, hasn’t let the dye go just yet. My grays in my 20s and my mother’s insistence that I would look older is what first started my affair with hair color. I’ve been dark brown, light brown, honey blonde, redhead, slight variations of burgundy. I recently went copper and my hair was bleached to the point of falling out. There were clumps and clumps coming out in the shower. I had to chop off A LOT of hair in order to get rid of the damage and my hair is still not even - my right side is shorter than my left side. To say I was upset is a massive understatement. I cried for days. DAYS. I spent years lovingly caring for and defending my natural curls in all their wild glory, only to have my curls decimated in three hours. After the cut was done in November 2018, I decided that if I had enough hair to put in a bun, I would leave my hair alone through December 2018 and January 2019. The universe allowed me to be able to put my hair in a bun, so I have literally been bun’d up since November 2018.  Last week, I decided to really leave my hair alone, let this copper color grow out and let this dark brown hair with grays in the front flourish. Which brings me here today.

A friend of mine tweeted that she was going to stop wearing weave and let her natural hair so it’s thing. I commented that I was doing something very similar and thus #NaturalNineteen was born. In 2019, we are going to really love the way our crowns are born. Kinks, curls, grays and all. Whatever we have, we are loving it as it grows out of our hair this year. We are leaving it alone in terms of no color for me, no weave for her. Whatever you are doing to your hair to hide it,  we invite you to join us in stripping away the security blanket and be bare in 2019. Will it be scary? Absolutely. Will there be moments of wanting to give up and go back to what’s familiar? 100%. I haven’t been without a bottle of dye to my head in over 10 years. But is it really loving my natural hair if I don’t love the grays? I’m not sure I can say it is. So, join my friend and I in our journey and we hope you partake on your own using the hashtag #NaturalNineteen

Love, peace and hair scarves.

Marriage by Kids

I saw this on Tumblr and almost peed myself.  Ricky be knowing.

Marcus and New Year's Eve

So, I can't exactly recall what year this was, but it was New Year's Eve.  Let's just say this was 2010 going into 2011.  That's the timeframe we're sticking with.  And there is the story of Marcus*

On New Year's Eve, my friends and I typically go out in New Brunswick because it's $100 for two clubs, open bar until 12 and the club is open until around 6.  What we used to do is we would pre-game at James' house then around 10, we would call for two cabs from his house to the club (because we're smart like that).  We started to pre-game and then called the cabs.  Marcus is pregaming a little TOO hard, but at this point...it's New Year's Eve.  Most people's goal on this evening is to get as smashed as possible, without going overboard.  But, this is Marcus we're talking about.

We get to the area and we're in the upstairs club called Glo.  Glo is pretty much just shaped like a really narrow walk-in closet.  Just long and not really wide.  We start to engage in the free likka (because we paid $100 bucks for open bar and damnit, open bars shall be had!!!) and just generally having a great time.  Except for Marcus.  Marcus decides he's gonna go puke in the corner.  ::please note that everything from here on out is second-hand knowledge because from my friend because I was too busy being fuckin awesome to worry::

Then, marcus said that he had to go to the bathroom.  But APPARENTLY he went into the wrong one and wound up throwing up in the sink of the girls bathroom.  THEN Fred decides all he needs is to take a little nap, so he sits on the couch and proceeds to go to sleep.  Big ol' bouncer boy comes and wakes him up, then tells him that he has to go.  My friend David is with Marcus and he's putting up a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge fuss.  They escort Marcus outside and he is ranting and raving about how he wants a refund because he didn't get to enjoy himself, how the bouncers were rude because all he needed to do was just take a quick nap and they didn't leave him alone.  Marcus went so far as to call the police because he knows "the chief of police for New Brunswick" and say they stole his money and he wanted a refund.  David is just looking at Marcus in disbelief at this point.  Then Marcus decided that he was going to go to another club down the street because he knows the owner and he wouldn't have to pay.  David went with Marcus and when they got to the other place...the owner told Marcus that he had to pay like $50, which I believe he did, because David came back alone.  I don't think I still know the full story about what happened to Marcus after that, but the moral of the story is...don't pre-game so hard you miss the actual party.  Because it would suck to be stuck in a cop car on New Year's Eve.

*I changed his name because...well, who wants to be known as the boy who puked in the girls bathroom and then got kicked out the club lol

Twitter Conversations with Tracy

So, I'd like to say that I probably started this.  And the reason this started is because...I found some moonshine in my freezer.  So, I took to Twitter to ask my friend Tracy.  And then...the convo QUICKLY went to the left.  It started like this:

Pretty normal, right?  When Tracy answers...things are NEVER normal.  NEVER.  I don't know why I failed to realize this.  

This is what she answers me back with: 

So, I decided to say this: 

Because err'one knows black folks lovededed Boone's Farm back in the day, right? LMAO!!!  She said:

Tracy is a damn THUG!!!  Thug Life out this bish!!!  

Then, Ms. Chocl8t got into the act and...made me hang my head. 

Yes.  This is my life.  

So, we continue the conversation and then Tracy started talking about the 3 times she drank moonshine.  This was the last time: 

I would say that I need better people, but the ones that are currently in my life are HYSTERICAL!!!

Blog 00 - The Online Dating Adventures of Twink

Back story: Seaux...Friday 4/13, I was hanging with my friends, celebrating one of them getting a new job. There was about 9 or so of us and we were sitting at a table. Matt asked me what happened when I went on the date with the white boy and that caught ERRONE'S attention. They listened to me intently as I told my story of Houlihan's, bars, quick chek and fights. Everyone laughed at me...or the story - I'm not quite sure but I feel like it was a combination of both and Matt asked "How come you can't date anyone normal?" I answered that they all START out normal...then something happens and it all goes downhill from there.

Matt: you know how you can tell they're never normal? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL BIG AS SHIT!

So what I tend to like taller men? What's wrong with that? So what if I'm 5'2" and I don't think I've dated anyone under 5'8?

Anyweighs, after everyone got their 7 chuckles out of my dating life, I decided I should blog about said dating life...or lack thereof. In order to blog, I need to sign up for something. It was then that I decided to jump into the millions of profiles available via online dating. First stop - Plenty of Fish...because it's free and I'm cheap lol. And it's CLEARLY quite obvious that when I meet men in person, they are 1 chicken nugget short of a happy meal about a week later. And with all the tests they do when you sign up, I'm bound to find at least one person, right? So, let's do this!

Present Day: So, I joined POF last night and no sooner than I put a picture up, my email started going berserk with all kinds of notifications. "This guy wants to meet you", "this other guy wants to meet you". "MC Such-n-Such sent you a message". "Puff-a-luff made you a favorite". So, I started going through my messages - I think I started out with three. They seemed not so crazy and pretty okay.

This morning, one of the guys from last night asked me for my number so we could chitchat whilst at work. Okay...makes it a little easier for me. We exchanged phone numbers and he hit me up when I was starting a web-ex for work, so my answers were delayed because...I was paying attention to the web-ex for work, obviously, but we were going back and forth. So I guess I wasn't answering fast enough for him because he hit me with a "sorry for bothering you" text. I gave him my number for a reason...he just caught me at a bad damn time, right? So I responded with that he wasn't bothering me but that I was paying attention to the web-ex (which had JUST ended). His next question was "Are you done or still there?" I said I was done. His response was "okay, take care". ::record scratch:: Err...what? I ran to talk to my PM really quick and when I came back, I saw he called me. I shot him a text back that was basically "my bad for missing your call - I ran to talk to my PM before she ran off." Then I asked if I could hit him back when I get out of work because he told me he leaves a half-hour before I do. I figured I'd be able to give more attention when I got out of work. He said "you don't have to." What? I thought everything was cool, dude. His explanation for that was "I feel like I'm sweating you." ::record scratch again:: We got over THAT hurdle (there should NOT be this many damn hurdles at this point, btw. What is this...hurdle #2 already?) and he asked me when I wanted to go to the Baltimore Aquarium. 5 Points to him for reading my profile and seeing that I like aquariums. -5 points for thinking I would want to go to Baltimore with some dude I don't even know this weekend. I asked if he was serious and he said "kinda but I can tell you don't want to go." We went back and forth a little on that (not arguing or anything, just a general discussion on aquariums and favorite parts of them) until dinner and drinks came up, which we both agreed was cool. Me trying to be proactive, I asked where he lived. He told me. I asked if he knew of any towns that are between him and I because he lives south of me and I don't really know that area. He said "IDK but forget it. Take care." O_o What just happened here? I can't make this stuff up.

I already feel like he would be a huge challenge. Why is he an emotional Etch-A-Sketch? I feel like if I agreed to go to ANYWHERE with him and he was driving...I would mess around and say "hey, have you heard that new Elle Varner song?" and wind up on the side of the road with no wallet. So...I shan't be communicating with him any longer. I don't have time for being even more confused. I'm already confused enough lol. What is it about me that draws in the Captain Crazy-Heauxs? LOL!

This is my foray into online dating. Not quite sure why this is my life, but I figured I'd put it all out there for you to enjoy. FYI - going forward, any blog with a number is a dating blog entry. Let's see what messages are awaiting me in my inbox tonight.

Clearly, I also tend to attract crazies online as well lol. Onward and upward!

Twink VS. Nair. I lost.

This is a story of my dumb decision. I can't fault anyone for this. Maybe Lizeth because buying the bottle was her idea. Yeah. We'll blame this on Lizeth.

Saturday March 31st, I was at Walgreen's with Lizeth* and Christelle* and I was talking about this razor that I use and love. Lizeth says to me "You should try the Nair blah blah blah (I forgot the actual name of it). You keep it on for one minute and then wash it off and you're good. If you leave it on for any longer, it starts to burn." EYE am always looking to be even lazier, so I said "Sold!" and bought the bottle. It's got a pump and everything...fancy, huh. I got the bottle home and decided to try it out on my armpits on Sunday.

Sunday comes and before I get in the shower, I read the directions on the bottle. "Leave on for one minute before getting in the shower. When in the shower, leave on for another 2-3 minutes, not exceeding 10" (I'm paraphrasing here, but that's the jist of it). So, I put it on and waited the one minute...maybe 1.5 minutes. Maybe that's where I went wrong. Either way. I waited the one minute when I feel some sort of burning sensation. Apparently the skin on my armpit was broken. I'm telling you now. DO NOT USE NAIR ON BROKEN SKIN!!! Your body will feel like it's housing a 10 alarm fire. Yes, I know it only goes up to 5. That's how serious this armpit burning was. TEN ALARM. I don't think the armpit pain stopped until that Tuesday.

Clearly I have gone back to using a razor.

*I didn't change their names because...this is entirely their fault. Lizeth for suggesting and Christelle for co-signing. Heffas.

Twink and the Time We Almost Got Jumped

So, remember when I said Mike hasn't been really successful with integrating people he knows into our crew of friends? This is the first time he tried. And failed. Miserably.

My whole group of friends were going out and Mike decides to brings this chick Charlene*. She seemed fairly nice at the time, but she was from the Trenton area. Immejiately (yes, immejiately. Not immediately) my spidey sense went off. I was working in Trenton at the time and I knew those people down there are made of ratchetness, bad decisions and fuckery. Still, I decided to give her a chance. What a mistake that was. The night inside the bar was fairly uneventful. It's what happened as we were leaving that almost got us killed. So Charlene over here started messing with some dudes...there must have been at least 8 of them. I wasn't paying attention to the conversation because I was probably having one of my own. Lo and behold, this group of guys started to get louder and louder. Because Charlene is yelling about how her money is worth more than theirs and how she's rich or something along those lines. Then, this heffa proceeds to get ready to climb on top of someone's car hood and twerk it for a few dollars. This was getting reeeeallllly sketchy as they were getting louder and louder. She was pretty much about to get choked up within the next like 2 minutes or so. So, guess who steps in to mediate and diffuse the situation. Moi. And you know how I did it?

"Hey!!! Get together so I can take a group pic of you guys for your MySpace page!!!" Yeah. That's how long ago this was. MySpace was still hot at this particular time. They took the pic and then...went on their merry way.

And this is why Mike can't bring friends around us.