Blog 00 - The Online Dating Adventures of Twink

Back story: Seaux...Friday 4/13, I was hanging with my friends, celebrating one of them getting a new job. There was about 9 or so of us and we were sitting at a table. Matt asked me what happened when I went on the date with the white boy and that caught ERRONE'S attention. They listened to me intently as I told my story of Houlihan's, bars, quick chek and fights. Everyone laughed at me...or the story - I'm not quite sure but I feel like it was a combination of both and Matt asked "How come you can't date anyone normal?" I answered that they all START out normal...then something happens and it all goes downhill from there.

Matt: you know how you can tell they're never normal? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL BIG AS SHIT!

So what I tend to like taller men? What's wrong with that? So what if I'm 5'2" and I don't think I've dated anyone under 5'8?

Anyweighs, after everyone got their 7 chuckles out of my dating life, I decided I should blog about said dating life...or lack thereof. In order to blog, I need to sign up for something. It was then that I decided to jump into the millions of profiles available via online dating. First stop - Plenty of Fish...because it's free and I'm cheap lol. And it's CLEARLY quite obvious that when I meet men in person, they are 1 chicken nugget short of a happy meal about a week later. And with all the tests they do when you sign up, I'm bound to find at least one person, right? So, let's do this!

Present Day: So, I joined POF last night and no sooner than I put a picture up, my email started going berserk with all kinds of notifications. "This guy wants to meet you", "this other guy wants to meet you". "MC Such-n-Such sent you a message". "Puff-a-luff made you a favorite". So, I started going through my messages - I think I started out with three. They seemed not so crazy and pretty okay.

This morning, one of the guys from last night asked me for my number so we could chitchat whilst at work. Okay...makes it a little easier for me. We exchanged phone numbers and he hit me up when I was starting a web-ex for work, so my answers were delayed because...I was paying attention to the web-ex for work, obviously, but we were going back and forth. So I guess I wasn't answering fast enough for him because he hit me with a "sorry for bothering you" text. I gave him my number for a reason...he just caught me at a bad damn time, right? So I responded with that he wasn't bothering me but that I was paying attention to the web-ex (which had JUST ended). His next question was "Are you done or still there?" I said I was done. His response was "okay, take care". ::record scratch:: Err...what? I ran to talk to my PM really quick and when I came back, I saw he called me. I shot him a text back that was basically "my bad for missing your call - I ran to talk to my PM before she ran off." Then I asked if I could hit him back when I get out of work because he told me he leaves a half-hour before I do. I figured I'd be able to give more attention when I got out of work. He said "you don't have to." What? I thought everything was cool, dude. His explanation for that was "I feel like I'm sweating you." ::record scratch again:: We got over THAT hurdle (there should NOT be this many damn hurdles at this point, btw. What is this...hurdle #2 already?) and he asked me when I wanted to go to the Baltimore Aquarium. 5 Points to him for reading my profile and seeing that I like aquariums. -5 points for thinking I would want to go to Baltimore with some dude I don't even know this weekend. I asked if he was serious and he said "kinda but I can tell you don't want to go." We went back and forth a little on that (not arguing or anything, just a general discussion on aquariums and favorite parts of them) until dinner and drinks came up, which we both agreed was cool. Me trying to be proactive, I asked where he lived. He told me. I asked if he knew of any towns that are between him and I because he lives south of me and I don't really know that area. He said "IDK but forget it. Take care." O_o What just happened here? I can't make this stuff up.

I already feel like he would be a huge challenge. Why is he an emotional Etch-A-Sketch? I feel like if I agreed to go to ANYWHERE with him and he was driving...I would mess around and say "hey, have you heard that new Elle Varner song?" and wind up on the side of the road with no wallet. So...I shan't be communicating with him any longer. I don't have time for being even more confused. I'm already confused enough lol. What is it about me that draws in the Captain Crazy-Heauxs? LOL!

This is my foray into online dating. Not quite sure why this is my life, but I figured I'd put it all out there for you to enjoy. FYI - going forward, any blog with a number is a dating blog entry. Let's see what messages are awaiting me in my inbox tonight.

Clearly, I also tend to attract crazies online as well lol. Onward and upward!

Twink VS. Nair. I lost.

This is a story of my dumb decision. I can't fault anyone for this. Maybe Lizeth because buying the bottle was her idea. Yeah. We'll blame this on Lizeth.

Saturday March 31st, I was at Walgreen's with Lizeth* and Christelle* and I was talking about this razor that I use and love. Lizeth says to me "You should try the Nair blah blah blah (I forgot the actual name of it). You keep it on for one minute and then wash it off and you're good. If you leave it on for any longer, it starts to burn." EYE am always looking to be even lazier, so I said "Sold!" and bought the bottle. It's got a pump and everything...fancy, huh. I got the bottle home and decided to try it out on my armpits on Sunday.

Sunday comes and before I get in the shower, I read the directions on the bottle. "Leave on for one minute before getting in the shower. When in the shower, leave on for another 2-3 minutes, not exceeding 10" (I'm paraphrasing here, but that's the jist of it). So, I put it on and waited the one minute...maybe 1.5 minutes. Maybe that's where I went wrong. Either way. I waited the one minute when I feel some sort of burning sensation. Apparently the skin on my armpit was broken. I'm telling you now. DO NOT USE NAIR ON BROKEN SKIN!!! Your body will feel like it's housing a 10 alarm fire. Yes, I know it only goes up to 5. That's how serious this armpit burning was. TEN ALARM. I don't think the armpit pain stopped until that Tuesday.

Clearly I have gone back to using a razor.

*I didn't change their names because...this is entirely their fault. Lizeth for suggesting and Christelle for co-signing. Heffas.